So, recently through a life applied 4th step [fresh!] I realized that there's some amends due to some folks from my recent past. Actually, the past 2-3 years there's been a bit of an underlying discord that resulted in me alienating some really decent folks from my life. Somehow I had myself convinced that these folks were causing the discord [wrong] and so the way to get out of it was to discontinue relationships with them.
But when I did that I really cut myself off from some nice people. They at least deserve some explanation
I've got it all in my head and now I just have to get it down on paper and then make the amends.
Anyone willing to share their 9th step experiences?
So, how well am I really working my program? I mean really? The food is what it is, but what about my program? Right?
So it's 10:30 and there's a noon meeting about 5 blocks or so from where I live. I'd have to drag my 3y/o with me, but a meeting is long overdue.
So will I, wont I? will I? You know that routine. I'll have to post back later with the results, lol.
I had been wanting to stick very closely to my meal plan but the budget was tight last week and may be for some time.
There's got to be an economical way for me to eat that really keeps me balanced. That's what this is about for me, down at the core. Balance.
And this is true on so many levels.
As much as I'd like things to be happy happy happy all the time I understand that this isn't always realistic. As long as I set reasonable expectations for myself I'm less likely to be disappointed.
I started this community because I'm a single mom, meetings in city are scarce~ at least during the times I'm free, and I really need to connect with others who are working the steps, as well as for those who are new to the steps and just cant take it any more~know there has to be something better~ and have found this page.
I'm posting every day or so to keep it alive until we get more folks in here. I know I'm not the only one with the need for this community.
Is this my Field of Dreams?
We all know restricting isn't limited to the anorexic side of eating disorders. Skipping meals is considered taking your will back, regardless of what size the scale says you are. I can not tell you how many former coe's I know who have found them self in quite a state of shock to find that weight loss through applied will does not make you free.
Of course after you have truly taken your 2nd and 3rd step these things become a bit more clear.
These steps are a fluid and dynamic process. I know it's not something you can do just once and then be done with. You cant eat one meal and say ok, I'm done, I ate......life goes on. You have to eat every day to keep yourself alive and you have to keep up with the steps to keep free.
Yea, I didn't come to this understanding overnight. I was fourteen when I was first introduced to the steps.
That was 17 years ago.
So yesterday I had my day planned out, food wise. I was going to abstain from caffeine because I was feeling like restricting and I know I use coffee to suppress my appetite. Well, I went ahead and had two cups of coffee, not even sure why. It's such an ingrained habit though.
Sometimes these little setbacks, or me going against my own 'meal plan' for the day really get me spun. I didn't wind up restricting, but it didn't matter because I was all wrapped up in the whole "you went against your own abstinence for the day, blah, blah, blah."
It's like I just can't let well enough alone. Like I just have to beat myself up for something, etc.
Like I said, I go through my step one on a daily, sometimes meal-y, basis.
"We admitted we were powerless over food, that our lives had become unmanageable"......
In what ways have we experienced powerlessness in our food compulsions?
Have our days been consumed with thought of weight, diet, exercise, planning the next meal or planning to avoid the next meal?
Have we found it impossible, regardless of our attempts, to let go of our addiction?
How does this powerlessness and and inability affect our self esteem?
What are some of your stories?